My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes
you’re not a lady, you’re nothing but a sister!
i am giving you the benefit of the doubt and believing that you have no reason to lie to me and that what i heard from other people was just misconstrued and out of context and just stupid and unnecessary comments and drama.
i am now just worried for you. deep down you are an amazing person. i know this because i’ve seen the best of you, and wish you could have just held on to that. now you’re hitting rock bottom, when you thought you already had. i want to help you. i want to make things better for you. i want to do anything to make you happy, because that’s what i care about. it makes me happy to see you happy. i will always have hope for us, but not to the point where i let it hold me back from other things. i will always care about you because you made me see what i can have and what i believe i deserve and i will be forever grateful for that. you brought out a side of me i never thought existed or would ever exist. you brought out my true happiness. i didn’t feel like i was settling because i was comfortable-because honestly i was always a little uncomfortable because it was all so unfamiliar to me-but i loved it, i loved you. i still do, and probably always will.
i hope that one day you’ll be ready for me to be apart of your life again, in some way. i don’t care what way it is, i just want to be apart of it.
i hope what you’re going through hits you the way it needs to for you to get on the right track.
i know it took me a long time to finally get on the real right track to a better me. it took a lot of pain and suffering and tears and lessons learned to get to where i’m at now, which may not seem like much, but i feel more comfortable with myself than i have ever before.
i am still selfish in some ways, but i need to be that way to keep myself on that right track. but now i can care about other people without it affecting my well-being as much as it used to. and i can let go of a lot of things that people do that used to affect me way more than it should.
my last year was my year of learning lessons the hard way and triumphing over the obstacles put in my face. this year coming up will be about me growing into the person i was meant to grow into and be able to accept change where it needs to happen and move on from anything that could potentially hold me back from anything i want.
i have no idea what i’m doing. i feel helpless.
i let someone get the best of me again.
i let my guard down too soon, so i guess that’s what i deserve.
if i regret anything, it’s letting myself believe it was all real.
you made me fall for you, so fast, so hard.
you made me believe i was actually worth it to you.
you made me believe that i could let someone else make me happy again.
i guess i was stupid to think that that was possible.
i finally got to the point where i could make myself happy, without having to rely on one person to do that for me. then you came along and made me feel like i was ready to let someone else in and let them help me be even happier.
now i don’t know what to fucking think of you.
i know you’re not being completely honest with me, and i know you’re just dealing with your life the best way you know how. but you’re doing it all wrong.
all i can stand anymore is complete honesty. don’t fucking lie to me, even if you’re trying to spare my feelings. tell me the truth about everything you’re thinking if you’re going to say anything to me at all. don’t try to sugar-coat things or try to make yourself look better or try to make me feel better about the situation. tell me the God’s-honest truth, and we’ll all be better off in the end. it wont eat you up inside that you lied to someone who will probably believe anything that comes out of your mouth because you led her to do so. it wont eat me up inside while i sit here and wonder what’s really going on, rather than what you tell me is going on.
i put my heart on the line again, way faster and way stronger than i ever expected myself to do ever again. and you just took it, messed it up a little bit more than it was, and gave it back to me with what seems like no remorse.
and hearing other sides of these stories from your best friends makes me wonder who you’re lying to. are you lying to them to make yourself look better by making me look worse? or are you lying to me to again make yourself look better and “spare my feelings” by feeding me bullshit and making me feel pathetic and sorry for you.
i’m going to get everything out of you that i can, just so i can have my closure with you and move on. i will suck it up and face my fear of confrontation and my fear of hearing what i don’t really want to hear and say all this to you and hopefully get the real truth from you. i didn’t want this to be a bitter ending, because how you ended it left room for growth as friends. i thought we could do that because we get along so great and understand what each other is going through. but seeing things and hearing things i would never expect and never hope for from you kinda messes that plan up a bit.
just please don’t lie to me anymore. the truth hurts, but it hurts way less than lies.