i solemnly swear that i am up to no good

i pushed away other people. other people who were interested in me, and i was interested in as well. but i was more interested in you and thought i actually had a chance at something with you, for the first time since i’ve split from my husband. i thought i’d never feel anything again, but i did. and now it’s crushed because you’re too negative and don’t give anything good a chance. what the fuck? i understand that your life has been fucked up, so has everybody else’s. mine has been seriously fucked up in the past year, and somehow i have been able to come out of this feeling stronger than ever. now i’m only let down again because someone can’t realize what’s right in front of them.

i guess i should go back to having no feelings and having meaningless relationships that go nowhere because i’m completely numb.

i wish i could chose to be that way. maybe this blow will push me back to that.

just when i had hope…

fuck this. i give up.

it must be me.